‘Cause these words are knives and often leave scars

[cherryblossomnoose]

Emotion had over come him. Never in his life had he felt something so intensely, something so real. There was always the pain of others he had helped. Despite being able to feel those emotions, Subaru had never truly comprehended the full extent of them.

Seishiro had lost the use of his right forever because of him. It was all his fault that he'd been injured.

As he began to come to though, he was not in the bed he'd fallen asleep in. His body slowly rose, his head throbbing from all of the crying he'd done. A simple look around told him he wasn't in his apartment. Despite his sorry state, his senses focused, looking for anyone or anything that might have caused this, spiritual or otherwise. Slowly, Subaru stepped out of the bed, eyes darting around the surroundings.

There was nothing magical, not that he could sense anyway. Unfortunately, that made him more wary than not.

Comments

[secondhandeye]

He also did not know what was going on.

Which also made him deeply wary. Because you didn't find your younger self passed out under the Sakura and not know anything about it. The tree had nothing to say about it, implied nothing in her way.

So he had gathered the boy up, a frail little husk, feeling like he would break him from the moment his finger tips touched him.

Taking him to his apartment seemed unwise at the moment. There were too many locks, too much magic. The same was true for the lair of the dragons.

So he'd rented a hotel, and ignored the looks he'd gotten, and left the boy on the bed while he'd showered the blood off his arm. He was getting better at this, but no matter how hard he scrubbed, the blood was always still on him.

Coming out, he felt right away that...the boy was awake.

"Hello."

[cherryblossomnoose]

His attention went to him immediately.

Of all the things he was expecting, to see another man who looked nearly exactly like him was not one of them. He blinked, trying to bring himself out of the stupor his emotions had left him in. While he wasn't sure how, this man was him.

While it didn't feel like a dream, he'd had dreams that had felt like reality. Subaru took a deep breath before he asked, "Is this another dream?"

Maybe his head was more foggy than he realized.

[secondhandeye]

"If it is, you know as much about it as I do." He said softly, creeping across the room and folding his long limbs into the spare chair in the small hotel room.

He didn't take his eyes off the boy. So familiar and so strange at the same time. It was like going back to a place you'd grown up, only to find your home redecorated.

[cherryblossomnoose]

Subaru sighed, unsure himself whether it was in relief, or to calm his loud mind. There were too many thoughts pushing their way forward, loud, intrusive. It was after a moment that he noticed the man staring at him. His eyes were intense. Different.

One of them was like--

He closed his own eyes, refocusing his mind. He couldn't be dragged down again like that. It happened so easily. Despite the refocusing, his chest was tight with emotion, "I can't tell. I know I shouldn't be here."

But there was nothing to be done about that, was there?

[secondhandeye]

"You shouldn't." He said softly, flatly.

This was not really any way to be welcoming. Some voice, and he knew exactly whose, was chastising him. But he pushed it away.

Now was not the time for this sort of thing.

Now was not the time for anything.

"You are, though. What was the last thing you remember?"

[cherryblossomnoose]

Subaru looked down, getting quiet for a moment. It was a memory too fresh, one that hadn't seen it's natural conclusion.

Not that he wanted to see that conclusion. He shifted in his spot, murmuring, "Seishiro...Seishiro he..."

He needed to continue the sentence but he couldn't find a way to. His mouth had gone dry and his throat tight.

[secondhandeye]

The emotions flitted over the boy's face like koi under a still pond, and Subaru understood, clearly, how easily Seishirou had always read him.

He didn't even bother to wear his heart on his sleeve, it was all right there, easy for the taking.

The thought of that night roiled up so many emotions, and his hand went to his right temple without thought, to the gold eye there.

"The hospital."

[cherryblossomnoose]

His head nodded, and he looked up at the other, still unable to bring himself to say the the exact words, "It was my fault..all my-"

When he noticed where his was, and what his eye looked like, his whole world seemed to stop. There was no way, was there? That that eye could be Seishiro's? It was the exact color though, a color he was far too familiar with.

"Your eye...."

[secondhandeye]

Should he say something? It could disturb the web of fate, the ripples could be more than he realizes.

But this boy being here was already doing enough damage. What did it matter anymore.

"It's his."

[cherryblossomnoose]

"No...No it can't be."

His chest ached and his hear pounded in his ears. He hated reacting so intensely to these emotions, but lately he couldn't help. Should he ask him what happened?

The real question was did he really want to know what happened?

[secondhandeye]

"Yeah. Shit's fucked up."

only tears now.

[cherryblossomnoose]

:'(((((((

Much sad

[cherryblossomnoose]

Very heartbreak

[cherryblossomnoose]

i'mdonenowipromise

[secondhandeye]

"Wether it can or it can't, it is."

His tone was sharp, and he felt guilt stirring. But seeing this naivety made him feel so displaced.

He stood again, agitated, pacing the room slowly in long strides. Trying to move off the frustration inside of him.

[cherryblossomnoose]

He watched him pace the room, keeping silent. The questions were eating him up inside though. His heart was racing.

He needed to know, "Will you tell me what happened?"

His gaze was down, fiddling with his gloves.

[secondhandeye]

He hesitated, considering it again. All the implication of it.

Finally he nodded softly. If he even remembered, he couldn't stop it. Not if it was meant to be.

"It was a job of mine. The girl...she went after him with a knife. Caught his left eye."

[cherryblossomnoose]

Subaru nodded. It was the job he had just completed. He could hardly believe that it had happened, but...it had.

"If I had moved...he wouldn't have lost his eye."

He was still blaming himself, still torn up about the entire thing. He looked down, his chest tight with emotion.

[secondhandeye]

"Yes. But that's the way things happened. There is no changing it."

His words were harsh. Especially consider that it was something he often let his mind wander to, guilt he often wrapped himself up in.

Part of him wanted to warn this boy, to steer his life in some way positive.

But that wasn't how it went.

[cherryblossomnoose]

They cut deep. He knew words could be used like knives, but for the other to lash out like that, on a wound that was so fresh made him sink to his knees and bury his face into his hands. There was no way to change it, there was no doubt in that. Did Seishiro die that day? Was he to blame for it all?

Is that why he had Seishiro's eye here? His head spun with questions, and conclusions. His hand dropped to the floor, steadying himself from collapsing.

"There's not. I know there's not."

[secondhandeye]

"Don't."

How could he be saying this? He was no better. Even now, he held the guilt to him, so tightly. It was part of him, it formed the structure of who he was now, and he couldn't imagine living without it.

But what if he had?

"Don't blame yourself. He doesn't deserve it."